#NOFILTER

I changed my Facebook profile photo yesterday. I added a photo of me after a day at my happy place, the ocean. I don’t have any make-up on and I haven’t done my hair.  Although to be clear, it is so short there isn’t really anything to do with it other than let it be.  As I objectively study the photo, I can clearly see that I look vibrant, refreshed, and joyful.

There are other days that I look at myself in the mirror and all I see are stress, overwhelm, and anxiety.  Yet, those aren’t the photos that I share on social media.  In fact, those are the times that I hide.  I stay in my house.  I snuggle my dogs.  Part of that isolation is restoration, but another very real part is reluctance to show this side of me to others.

Will they still want to be friends with me if I am not my normal energetic, sunny self? Will people look at me funny if I burst into tears in the middle of the store?  These aren’t just random musings.  I have reached out when I was depressed or hurting only to be ignored or minimized. I have also reached out and received love and support.

I reflect on what filters I hide behind…

My face in the photo might be make-up free and I might be able to hashtag #nofilter, but I know the truth.

I am still hiding behind filters in an attempt to avoid potential rejection.  I still show “high functioning Terri” to the world when that part of me is nowhere to be found.

What would your life look like with #nofilter?

I know mine would be more authentic, more present and more connected.